Okay people, if you have never adopted or have never been adopted and you want to know information or how to reference people within the adoptive family, here it goes...
1. My adopted children ARE MY CHILDREN.
2. Yes, my biological kids are my "real" kids, but, last time I checked, the adopted ones are real too.
3. When I look at my kids, I do not see biological and adopted, I see MY kids.
4. If one child is dark skinned (due to his Filipino, African American, Hawaiian and Puerto Rican blood), and the other is light (due to being more than 75% white), they are not twins.
5. You only need to ask me once if they are ALL my kids. If I say yes, don't ask me again as if I didn't comprehend the question you just asked me.
6. And lastly, if I tell you that my last two kids are 8 1/2 months apart (which they are), don't ask me if my husband and I did the deed in the hospital following giving birth or that we "don't waste time".
People ask the dumbest, most annoying questions and say even dumber things. I get so mad when people will refer to my kids as my real kids or "which ones are not your real ones?" When we got our oldest daughter, she instantly became our daughter. I have never, ever seen her as anything else. As a matter of fact, when we talk, I tell her that she is special because she is my first child. Before her, there were no children in our family. When we kiss goodnight, I tell her, just as I tell the others, that I love her to the moon and stars and back. And I mean it with all my heart. The other day, we were having a talk on her bed and I told her that she has a special spot in my heart, just like Lee, Sonny and Em. When I look at her, I see my beautiful little girl. I don't see an adopted kid. I don't see someone else's child. She is mine as if she is my flesh and blood.
And then there is my son, who is a mama's boy. I wouldn't change that for the world. He too is mine. I see him as my one and only son. My boy. And I love him as such.
In my mind, and in my heart, my kids are my kids. No matter the color of their skin or where they came from, I love them with every piece of me and I do not see them by labels. But, other people do and it bothers me.
Do people think that by saying things in front of the kids that they (the kids) don't hear them? That the kids don't understand? That the kids might feel uncomfortable?
Please, you can ask me about my story, but don't use my story against anyone. Think before you speak. Remember that there are kids in front of you who listen to everything and take in everything you say.
SO, NO MATTER IF THE CHILD CAME OUT OF ME OR SOMEONE ELSE, THAT CHILD IS MY CHILD AND I AM HIS/HER MOTHER. THAT'S ALL WE KNOW AND THAT IS ALL WE CARE. Labels like adoptive and biological have no presence in our lives and shouldn't in yours.
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3 comments:
My brother and his wife adopted a boy and a girl from Korea. From the age of 4 years, they knew they were adopted. Their parents told them. Nevertheless, that was never a hang-up. They are both doing well in life -- very happy and thriving.
of course they're all your kids. what the hell is wrong with people? I have a cousin on my mom's side who's also adopted...but they've never told her. I wonder sometimes how the awkward questions get handled (she's like many inches taller than either parent)...but no matter what happens, she'll of course always be my "real" cousin! and all your kids are my cousins too!!! (second? third? since *we're* cousins is it "removed"?)
Hey- where are you? What's the latest?
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